This rebellious youngster was bred among millions as a
test tube baby in the labs of Ireland. Forced into
child labor at the local Guiness factory, Daniel grew
an intense taste for well brewed beer. Just when he
thought his life couldn't get any better he was
kidnapped a gang of mullet-laden Canadians. Although
their attempts to convert Dan to the ways of hockey
failed, he was ultimately convinced to grow a mullet.
Soon after Dan joined a man named Marshall Applegate,
and helped form the Heaven's Gate cult. He left days
before their departure on a space ship. Displeased with
his religious attempt he became a hermit on Old Rag
Mountain, leaving soon after due to the whole mountain
region catching on fire. Taking solace in a drug known
as Special K, Dan became the most depressed boy in the
world. Then he died.
Real name: Dan Callahan
Age: 15
Interests: Dimestore romance novels
, quiet places to read poetry, not bathing, rock and roll
, and Razor scooters.
Musical influences: Rancid,
Jessica Simpson, Mike Ness, Social Distortion, Elvis,
The Distillers, Dropkick Murphys, L.E.S. Stitches,
Barbara Striesand, Icons Of Filth, and The Clash.
